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March 22, 2010
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paper poison apple

:iconaprilmcguire:

I feel the distance when I look
right into your face
My stomach drops, my heart don't leap
I hope this goes away.

I remember when you saved me, like
a prince atop his steed
How foolish it feels for me to think
that this ends happily.

You are no prince, or I a princess
Baby, its reality.
Times are tough, the poison's taken
and I have gone to sleep.

Wake me, wake me, kiss me tight
prove true a happy ending
I'm trapped to think of fairy tales
I'm foolish
   -but it don't stop me

Reality's no children's story
my dreams I know are fiction.
I'm not a helpless sleeping beauty
these tales
are
my
addiction.

It's half past twelve and where's my prince?
Have I any chance?
I'm no frail and hopeless beauty
And  you  are  not  my  prince.
:iconaprilmcguire:
<\3

A tale of a girl who holds reality in high expectations. Who thinks in terms of fairy tales and trusts blindly those who she thinks can give her that reality.

An oldie now, but I still love it. :)

Stock creds: ~MarjoleinART-Stock & ~Babybird-Stock for header.
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:icondevilsmatrix:
~DevilsMatrix Jan 2, 2013  Student Writer
These would make good lyrics.. seams abit like a paramore song. This is just my oppinion though. :) I like it, a good read, love the flow and the subtle rhyming. beautiful.
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:iconaprilmcguire:
=AprilMcGuire Jan 2, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
thank you so much! :glomp: Paramore references don't bug me in the least. :)
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:icondevilsmatrix:
~DevilsMatrix Jan 2, 2013  Student Writer
:) no worries !
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:iconyami-joey:
=yami-joey Jan 1, 2013  Student General Artist
I can imagine it being a song, it's really nice :)
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:iconaprilmcguire:
=AprilMcGuire Jan 1, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
thanks :D
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:iconzoe-che:
!Zoe-che Dec 6, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Very powerful o.o;
...
I love it :heart:
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:iconaprilmcguire:
=AprilMcGuire Dec 6, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
thank you! :glomp:
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:iconxebra7:
~xebra7 Sep 27, 2010
I would critique this if I could, do you mind if I add my thoughts in the comments?
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:iconaprilmcguire:
=AprilMcGuire Sep 27, 2010  Professional Digital Artist
not at all :)
Reply
:iconxebra7:
~xebra7 Sep 27, 2010
Great! Thanks, here's my thoughts...

The first thing I look at before a poem is how it presents itself on the page, and the first thing I look at after a poem is how true it seemed to the author. I was glad to realize that not only was the poem nicely set up and showed emotion, but it also contained some of my favorite attributes in writing, ambiguity and disregard for rules. The poem set up a nice tone, rhythm, and rhyme scheme at the beginning and was slowly infused with slant rhymes and more line breaks through out, especially in the fourth and fifth stanza. And some lines showed potential for multiple interpretations.

However, poem tends to lack subtlety. When lines like, "Reality's no children's story" are placed it doesn't really give the reader any room to breathe or much room for interpretation. The poem much of the time tends to reveal facts and closes down to prove something to the reader, where many poets would believe that poems need to start closed and open up letting the reader think and figure things out for themselves. Be that what you had intended for the poem or not.

This poem has great potential, and shows to be a provocative idea that I very much enjoy thinking on. It shows great form and good writing but it hasn't had the change to open up all the way and bloom into its greatest form. If you work on it, whether or not you follow my advice, I'm sure it has more places to go.
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